How Free Are You?

 I just finished reading “Mans Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. In his book, Frankl describes his  experience as a prisoner in the Nazi death camps during World War II. 

Even though he was  hungry, beaten and humiliated, Frankl realized that he had one freedom that could not be taken away from him: The freedom to choose his thoughts and to create his own experience and what was meaningful about that experience. The meaning he chose to create during his captivity was that he needed to remain alive to tell the world about what had happened.

Frankl made it out of the camps alive and went on to become a successful author. His book went on to sell millions of copies and is considered  a classic. His message gave people hope: even though the body may be enslaved, the mind is free to find potential meaning under even the most miserable circumstances.

As we approach the celebration of our country’s independence day, we acknowledge that we live in a country with freedoms that are sought and valued all around the world. Even so,  the struggle for freedom is ongoing within all of us.

I think it’s important to ask ourselves “How free am I, really?”  To be truly free implies that you can exercise a choice.

However, if I have no choice but to inhale poisonous fumes into my body, then  I’m not really free, I’m a slave to my habit and my addiction.  If I feel that I  can’t control the type or quantity of food I eat, then I am imprisoned by my desires. Am a truly free if I allow my day to be ruined by traffic, a problem with my computer, or not enough foam in my latte, or am I no better than a leaf at the mercy of the wind?

Furthermore, if my goals, dreams and desires are shackled by my own doubt, negativity, and limiting beliefs, than I am in a prison much more effective than any that can be made of brick and steel.

True freedom doesn’t depend on laws or treaties, bars or chains. True freedom is of the mind.  True freedom is having the ability  to choose, powerfully, in any minute, in the face of any situation that may present itself. It is to be able to respond, this is, to be responsible, rather than to react. There is no freedom in reaction.

As a hypnotherapist, I help people free themselves from their own minds. However, it’s not easy to free yourself from your own mind, even with help. Once a belief is in place, people will spend the rest of their lives defending it and trying to prove that it’s right. It might not even matter that the belief might cost them their happiness, their health and even their families. Their beliefs chain them to the life they are living. But beliefs are rarely “true”, they are most often simply just opinions.

Do you really want to be free? Then ask yourself the following questions:

• What do my beliefs do for me? Do they support me in living the life that I want or do they hold me back?
• Where did my beliefs come from? Are they based on my own experience or were they handed down to me?
• If they are based on my own experience, is it the experience of a child? A teenager? A mature adult?
• Are there beliefs that I continue to wear even though I have out grown them, even though they restrict me?
• Do I even know what my beliefs are? Can I articulate them?
• What are the meanings that I attach to the circumstances of my life? Do these meanings empower me or do they imprison me?
• What are the thoughts that I have that hold  me hostage to fear, doubt and anxiety? Am I ready to free myself from them?

You alone are responsible for freeing yourself from whatever is going on in your mind that keeps you from joy, happiness and peace. However, I can help you. If you are truly ready to celebrate your own personal Independence Day, give me a call.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno

Personal/Small Business Coach

Certified Hypnotherapist

www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       

 (626) 826-0612

Things I Learned from My Dad

My dad is a colorful character. At 73, he still works 14 hour days, six days a week. He raised 8 kids (7 boys and a girl), and now has 14 grandkids. He’s been married to my mother for 50 years. 

He bought his first business before he was 25, which he recently sold, and has owned his second business for 35 years. He started his working career as a carpenter. (His middle name is Jesus, I’m not  kidding.) He rebuilt a 1968 Ford Shelby Mustang in his garage and had a stint as a professional singer (in both English and Spanish). He survived  a quintuple bypass heart operation.  I’ve heard him listen to music from  Billy Idol to Rimsky-Korsakov. He has a garden of which he is very proud of as well as a fish pond that he spends an inordinate amount of time trying to keep clean.

Clearly, he’s learned a few things, some of which he’s taught me and some of which I picked up  by watching him. In honor of Father’s Day, here’s a few things I learned from my father, who we affectionately refer to as “Pops”:

Work

• Don’t make the job more important than the reason for doing it.
• If you need to get the job done, sometimes you need to stay up all night to do it.
• If you enjoy doing the job, you won’t mind staying up all night.
• Don’t do a half-assed job, do it right so you can take pride in it.
• You need to have a good balance of working with both your hands and your head.
• Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty.
• Favorite saying: “Get it done or I will cloud up and rain all over you.”

Lifestyle

• Keep a clean house, don’t be a slob.
• Put if back where you got it from. (There’s a place for  everything and everything in its place.)
• Take good care of your stuff and it will last you a long time.
• Don’t walk around barefoot if you have toenails that look like claws. Cut the damn things.
• People will show you more respect  if you dress well.
• Life’s to short to wear uncomfortable clothing.
• You don’t need a bunch of fancy products to wash your car, all you need is a hose and a towel. Also, it helps to have kids to do it for you.
• Listen to music every day. Don’t listen to it too loud or you’ll lose your hearing. Once in a while is ok, though.
• Learn how to tell a joke and know a lot of good ones. A sense of humor is essential.
• So is an occasional stiff drink.
• Favorite saying: “Be careful.”

Children

• Trust that your child will come into the world with a loaf of bread under it’s arm.
• Teach them manners and to be respectful. It’s a reflection on you.
• You gotta keep your kids busy.
• Kids don’t need to get everything they want.
• Having kids is what you have to go through to get grandkids.
• Sometimes you have to  forgive or apologize  even if you don’t want to. Don’t let pride get in the way.
• Family is very important.
• Favorite saying: “I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know.”

Dealing with People

• Most of the time you can get people to do what you want by being  pleasant, saying please, and winning them over with a smile.
• Sometimes, though, you have to yell really loud to get people moving.
• Many people are looking for someone to teach and guide them.
• When you meet a person, look them in the eye and shake their hand. Show good manners.
• Favorite saying:  ”Do you see milk dribbling out of the side of my mouth?”

Life’s Challenges

• Don’t let yourself get defeated by a problem. Ask yourself  ”How can I solve this problem?” There is always a solution. Get really good at solving problems.
• Use your imagination to deal with problems. Look around and ask yourself, “What resources are available to me that I can use to solve this quickly?” It might be some tape, a stick, some wire or it might be someone you can call.
• Sometimes, when your back is up against the wall, you must get mean.
• Prayer. Have faith that God will see you through.
• Favorite saying:  ”You don’t want people to say about you “He couldn’t fight his way out of wet paper bag.”

Good Advice

• Don’t take any wooden nickels.
• There are a lot of people walking around with their thumb up their butt and their finger in their ear. Don’t be one of those people.
• Pay attention!!
• Favorite saying: “The angle of the dangle is equal to the heat of the …” on second thought, let’s skip this one.
• Don’t let ‘em get to you.

Thanks Dad. And Happy Fathers Day to all Dads out there.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Tman

 Ted A. Moreno

Personal/Small Business Coach

Certified Hypnotherapist

Specializing in Your Success

www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       

 (626) 826-0612

 

How I Learned the Secret to Easily Connecting With People (Part 2)

In last week’s post I tell the story of  how I discovered that not everybody likes to be treated the way I like to be treated. In other words, everybody has their own style of communication, and figuring out what their style of communication is can help you connect with them more easily.

If you’re in a business that involves dealing with people (as are most businesses), then the more people you are able to connect with, the more successful you are going to be. In your personal life, I would suggest that you’ll have happier relationships if you can learn to quickly build mutual trust, understanding and harmony with others.

The word for this is rapport. You have rapport with someone when you feel that you are both “in sync” or “on the same wavelength”. We’ve all had the experience of meeting someone where we felt it didn’t click. We might have felt uncomfortable or even annoyed with this person; we didn’t feel like they “got” us. There was no rapport.

On the other hand, we’ve also had the experience of meeting someone who we immediately liked and felt comfortable with. We had a sense that they were like us, and that we shared a similar view of the world. We can say we had rapport with that person.

Most of my business experience has been in sales. My first sales jobs were door to door, selling books, first in San Jose, then in Virginia. When I started working in Virgina, it didn’t take me long to figure out that these were a whole different breed of folks from the ones in San Jose. The people in San Jose talked faster, and wanted to know right away why I was banging on their door. In southern Virginia, they talked a lot s-l-o-w-e-r and wanted to chat with me a bit longer before  ”gittin’ down to bidness”. I had to adjust my approach accordingly.

Think about how we instinctively try to create rapport in social situations. We begin by asking questions: What do you do, where are you from, etc. We look for common grounds (“what about those Lakers?”) and when we find them we capitalize on that information. (“Did you see that game? How about when…) Much of the rapport building we do is unconscious. We don’t know we are doing it, but we feel good when we have a sense that the other person likes us or that we trust them.

 However, there are techniques that you can use to consciously build rapport with others. Some of these are common sense, others are more in-depth,  falling under the subject of NLP. There are people who feel that using techniques to get people to like you and trust you is manipulative. Surely, there are those that use these techniques only to get what they want. However, let me suggest that  dealing with people in a way that makes them feel comfortable and that creates trust and harmony is simply a good philosophy.

Here’s a few tips for creating rapport easily in any business or personal situation.

• Listen. God gave you two ears and one mouth…Listening is truly a gift that is in short supply these days. You’ll go a long way just by learning to listen to people. Everybody wants to be listened to.
• Remember and use a person’s name. Dale Carnegie said “Remember that a person’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” The best way to remember a person’s name is to say it immediately after you hear it and then to continue to use it in conversation.
• Smile. A smile is a big sign that says “I am warm,  friendly and happy.” People will remember you if you have the habit of smiling.
• Look for common grounds. Seek to find common interests. Family, work, hobbies, education and place of origin are all subjects that people can have in common.
• Seek to be in agreement. It’s tough to establish rapport if you are disagreeing with someone. I’m not suggesting that you agree with something you feel strongly opposed to, but if you are interested in connecting with someone, unless they ask, keep your differing opinions to yourself.

These are all pretty basic things that most of us probably already know. Here are a few things that are more advanced that you’ll learn if you ever study NLP.

• Mirror body language. Very powerful, yet subtle. If you are with someone who uses a lot of hand gestures when they speak, you do the same thing. If they cross their legs, do that. Don’t make it so obvious that it’s apparent what you are doing, try to be discreet.
• Mirror their vocal tonality/speed. If I talk too fast to a southern Virginian, then I’m a “fast talkin’ city slicker”. If I talk too slow to someone from Manhattan, then I’m an “unsophisticated and boring”. Try to match the person’s vocal speed.  If they talk loud, you talk loud. If they are more soft-spoken, then you do the same.
• Use similar language patterns. If someone says to me, “That was really cool!” and I come back with “Indeed, I’m sure that was very nice”, that person is not going to want to talk to me for very long. See if you can notice phrases and  figures of speech that are being used and use them as well.
• Match their breathing. Most people aren’t even aware of this, but it’s one of the most powerful rapport building skills that you can have. Try it sometime and see what happens.  

There’s a few more advanced techniques that are too complex to go into here such as finding out a person’s representational system by observing their eye movements. As an Certified NLP Practitioner, I can help you hone the  skills you need to make friends, or  to influence and connect with people for business success. Mention this blog post and I’ll give you a free 45 minute coaching session the next time you come in for a hypnotherapy session.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno

Personal/Small Business Coach

Certified Hypnotherapist

www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       

 (626) 826-0612

Your Life in Balance? Forget About It.

Rock and The Chick in the outdoor dining area of Chez SD (my backyard)

A few weeks back I was hanging out with my two daughters, The Chick and Rock. It was a beautiful day in the San Gabriel valley, and on such days I like to take them to the park. That day, however, there were a lot of things on my to- do list. 

My plan was to fix them lunch and plant them in front of the tv so I could get some work done. But the beautiful day called to me, so we went outside and had a picnic in the backyard. They loved it. So did I, even if I didn’t accomplish everything on my list. Those girls are always on my list. 

Over the years, I’ve tried to divide my life into priorities and give equal attention to them all: my health, my work, my relationships, my spirituality, my social life and my alone time. 

I’ve never been able to do it. There is always one area that needs more attention than another, and when that gets handled, then another area needs attention. If business is booming, then I haven’t been taking my daily walk. If I’m feeling serene and peaceful because I’m taking alone time, then I probably haven’t been spending enough time with my family. 

Eventually, I realized that nothing is ever always in balance. It’s a pendulum, it seems, swinging from one extreme to the other. And that’s ok, because that’s how life is: in balance for a minute, then out. 

It’s either moving toward summer or winter; when is it balanced? Only twice a year, on the summer and winter solstices. It’s either day or night; when is it balanced? For a short time, twice a day, at dawn and dusk. 

And why would you want to be balanced? If there is balance then there is no motion, no growth, no progress. Balance is stasis, nothing is happening.

Life is a see-saw. One day your up, the next, you’re down.  

Right now I’m in Apple Valley visiting my brother-in-law. There’s a ton of stuff I need to do, including write this. If it was up to me, I’d be working all the time, but as a married guy, it’s not totally up to me is it? So we’re taking a weekend vacation. Keeps the wife happy, gives the kids a break from the routine, and gives me  a chance to record some tunes in my brother-in-law’s recording studio. So the pendulum swings to the other side, but I can be cool with that. 

If you are one of those with lots of leisure time to devote to  every part of your life, then lucky you!  I remember those days.  But if you’re like me, trying to balance a career and  a family with staying  healthy and having  some time for reflection, creativity and spirituality, then  maybe balance isn’t the answer. 

Maybe the answer is to strive for being well-rounded and having a level of satisfaction that  you can live with and be happy with in any particular area. Some areas are going to be more important or impactful than others. Those deserve more time and energy. 

Here’s some ideas that might be helpful: 

• Most of us have numerous roles, interests, and responsibilities which fit into distinct areas of  life.  Decide what these areas of importance are for you. These would be areas you feel you need to put time and energy into to have a successful and well-rounded life. An example would be Paul J.Meyer’s “Wheel of Life” consisting of Financial and Career, Family and Home, Spiritual and Ethical, Social and Cultural, Physical and Health, and Mental and Educational.
• Rate these areas according to your current level of satisfaction and achievement in each. You might use a scale of 1-100 or 1-10.
• What does this tell you? If you have always considered your health to be important but you rate it on the low side, then perhaps at this time health needs more of your attention then you are giving it. Maybe your financial house is well in order, you’ve got some cash in the bank and your score is high in this area. Consider that perhaps it’s time to put some attention into another area that has a low score.
• Create some goals based on those areas of importance that have lower levels of satisfaction and achievement. For example, if you feel that being a lifetime learner is important to you, and you have rated your Mental/Educational area on the low side, then you might think about taking class, reading a book, or taking an online course.
• Revisit your areas of importance  in six months. Has anything changed? Should you continue your present course of focus or is there another area that has become more important or meaningful to you in light of recent events in the past six months? Revisit twice a year.

For your car to get you where you want it to go, you need four good tires, good brakes, gas in your tank and a regular schedule of maintenance. You can ignore any of these for a while, but ignore any one of them for too long and you might soon be in trouble. Instead of striving for balance, just make sure you know what part of your life needs attention and you’ll avoid being stranded by the side of the road.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

p.s. If you need some help in the life balance area, and we haven’t worked together before, I’ll give you a free hour coaching session if you are one of the first five people to  call me before May 20. 

 Ted A. Moreno

Personal/Small Business Coach

Certified Hypnotherapist

www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       

 (626) 826-0612

Don’t Let Them In! Five Steps for Keeping the Mental Mischief Makers Away.

I hate to admit this to you, but when I was younger and much more foolish, I used to open my door to some pretty unsavory characters.

They weren’t even very likable, I just got comfortable having them around. They were familiar and I knew what to expect from them. I didn’t realize until much later how much hanging around with them was holding me back from what I knew I could be.

One day, there was a knock on the door while I was reading a book by the first self-development author I ever read, Dr. Wayne Dyer.  I opened the door to find  Cynicism,  someone I knew very well, standing there. I was dismayed to see that he had brought  Negativity with him, who I really despised, especially since he was always wearing that dumb “I’m With Stupid” T-shirt.

“Hey dude. It’s another crappy day. Perfect day for getting messed up”, Cynicism said. I noticed he had brought along a sixer of his favorite beverage, Notwieser Light.

I don’t know why, maybe it was the Dyer book, but I said “Sorry guys, not today”.

Negativity stepped forward and whined “Don’t be like that, homey! Let’s throw back a few and complain about the system!”

I hate being called homey. “No”, I said. “You guys get outta here. Now. I’m busy”

They shuffled off,  Cynicism grumbling “Thinks he’s too good now…”

I sat back down and felt weird. This was uncomfortable for me. I’ve always been a “nice” guy. I pretty much let in whoever wanted to come in and let them stay as long as they wanted. Right then, there was another knock at the door. I got up, irritated. I threw open the door expecting Negativity and Cynicism but instead, Possibility was standing there. I’d seen him a couple of times, but didn’t really know him too well. “Hey”, he said.”I thought I would drop by since I was in the neighborhood. Mind if I come in?’

“Sure”, I replied. “So tell me, what kept you from coming by before?”

“I’ve tried” he said.  ”But I make it a point not to hang out with those other two clowns who just left.”

Cynicism and Negativity still come by and knock , but most of the time I just don’t open the door and pretty soon they go away. The odd times that I do let them in because I’m too tired to say “Get lost”,  I make sure they don’t stay very long. I haven’t seen Resignation and Despair in a while. Fear must have a key but I’m in the process of changing the locks. More and more, I find myself entertaining Possibility, who is always welcome, along with Hope, Belief, and Courage. Needless to say, life is much better.

Here are five simple steps to keep those Mental Mischief Makers from messing with your mind.

• Stop Complaining. The MMMs are attracted to complaining like ants to sugar. They seem to have some special radar to help them find complainers. First they’ll allow  you to feel justified, then they’ll move in and take over the place.
• Plant gratitude outside your front door. You know how some animals will not come into your garden if you have the right herbs  planted to keep them from eating your veggies? Gratitude is repellent to Negativity and in large enough amounts does a great job of keeping the  other jokers away too.
• Take regular Inspiration Vacations. Read, hear, see things that inspire you. There’s no way that you will even hear those troublemakers knock if you’re involved in something that lifts you up and inspires you. Keep your mind in that place where your highest ideals reside.  
• Use Incantations. This is the magic that really acts like a spell to keep Negativity, Resignation, Fear, Cynicism, Doubt, and Despair away. Incantations are what you say to yourself to create what you want. Examples: I can do this, I have what it takes, I am up to this challenge, I am attracting money now, creativity flows through me. To make them really powerful, write them down and put them near a candle and light it. Seriously, I’m not kidding. Say these things a hundred times a day. Really.
• Always be up to something. If you are up to stuff, making stuff happen, dreaming, hoping, planning, taking action, then you will be too busy for these those pesky MMMs when they come to visit.  You’ll see them for what they are: a distraction and a diversion from making your unique contribution to life.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno

Personal/Small Business Coach

Certified Hypnotherapist

www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       

 (626) 826-0612

Are You Haunted by Ghosts?

 

Halloween is a big thing around our house. My wife is  a Halloween nut, so consequently my two daughters, Matrix Chick and Fingers ( who from here on will be referred to as  The Rock ) have been frothing at the mouth about getting dressed up and trick or treating. One was a fairy and the other was Minnie Mouse. We were going to take them trick or treating but didn’t because they were having too much fun handing out candy to other trick or treaters.

The Fairy and Minnie Mouse

With all this Halloween Hoopla and stuff on TV,  The Chick has been seeing ghosts lately. “Dad, there’s a ghost in my room”  or “I think there’s a ghost outside.”  Of course, I tell her that there’s no such things as ghosts, even though I know that there are.

I was watching Larry King interview a couple of guys that have this ghost lab that investigates paranormal occurences. One of the guys suggested that a ghost is the residual energy of a deceased person that won’t go away because there is unfinished business. 

I wonder if you are  haunted by the energy of unfinished business? Are you aware of spectres from your past that keep you stuck in fear and trepidation? For some people, these demons are very real.

It’s said that ghosts, if indeed they do exist, don’t know they are dead or don’t want to be dead. They try to stay among the living, caught in a netherland of not alive but not dead.

How true that can be for many of us that are haunted by past tragedies, traumas, mistakes, and failures. Did  events happen in your life that should have stayed buried  that you continue to resurrect from the grave of  the past? Oftentimes these memories can take possession of us and keep us from moving forward.

Failed businesses, painful relationships, bitter divorces, the loss of a loved one, letting someone down big-time,  stupid yet costly mistakes, times when we felt we did not measure up to our ideal self. All can become goblin-like, so scary  that we never even try again or make judgements about ourselves which are no longer (perhaps never were) true. So we stay inside, windows shuttered, doors locked, afraid to venture out into possibility.

We all have a tendency to look to the  past for information about how to act in the future. But the future does not have to equal the past. What’s also true is that we are human, and as such, we will make mistakes, suffer loss, hurt people, and fail, perhaps many times before we get it right.  You are human, are you cool with that?

I’m no ghostbuster, but I think that  to allow these ghosts to rest in peace, you may need to:

• Forgive yourself
• Forgive someone else
• Apologize to someone
• Make it up so someone
• Reconnect with someone
• Write a letter but don’t mail it
• See the experience from a different perspective
• Recommit to our ideal self
• Find the wisdom and learning from the experience and move on.
• Change something major in your life (it’s said that those ghosts don’t like remodeling)

If you need a little technique to release the past, try this:

Close your eyes and get comfortable, taking some deep breaths. When you feel centered and grounded, See, feel or get a sense of the situation, person, or experience you want to release. Imagine cords of light connecting you to this situation, person, etc. See, feel or get a sense of a magic or special knife or sword or scissors in your hand and begin to cut the cords connecting you. When you are done, reattach the cords back to your self and imagine the cords of the person or situation reattaching themselves back to it or them. Imagine the situation or person fading away or getting smaller or smaller until they disappear. Imagining a grave where the situation/person is buried can be helpful to some people.

This is a good time to talk about letting these ghosts rest in peace; today is Dia de Los Muertos, Day of the Dead. Honor what came before and what is no more, taking the legacy of knowledge and wisdom and moving courageously into tomorrow.

How Selfish are You? (Part 1 of 2)

You would not believe the bad luck I’ve had lately. Can hardly believe it myself.

One night last week I was watching television. It got later and later but I just kept watching it, even though I knew I should go to bed. I watched TV until 5:30 am, then I slept for an hour and a half. When my daughter Matrix Chick tried to wake me I snarled at her and she started crying.  Boy was I tired and grumpy!

Since I woke up late I didn’t get to eat breakfast before work. By the time I was done with my first client I was starving! There was some Halloween candy in the lobby of my building so I ate a bunch of candy corn, Tootsie Rolls and mini Three Musketeers.  If I thought I felt bad  before, I had another thing coming – I developed a horrible stomach ache!  Can you believe that!?

During my session with my next client, she actually got up and said, “I’m leaving because you keep falling asleep while I’m talking to you.  And why don’t you wipe that chocolate off of your chin?” What nerve! Can you believe the bad luck?

It seemed as if I was doomed to have a wretched day so I cancelled the rest of my appointments and went home determined to force myself to work like a dog on computer stuff that’s been piling up. I worked all afternoon. My wife came home with the kids but I kept on working. She said that dinner was ready but I kept on working. She said that dinner’s done would I help clean the kitchen but I kept on working. She asked if I would help put the kids to bed but I just had too much to do! Then she got really angry with me and we had a big fight. Can you believe the rotten luck I had that day?

If you know me then by now you may have guessed  that none of that really happened (I don’t like candy corn.)  But if it was true you might be saying “You didn’t have bad luck, you were just being irresponsible!” And that would be true.

In the imaginary scenario I just described, it can be summed up like this: I was not being responsible for my own self care. Taken to that extreme, I would say that I was being negligent; neglecting my own basic needs, therefore, I ended up neglecting  the needs of those I love.

I’ve come to the conclusion that self-care is vitally important and necessary to leading a happy and fulfilling life.

How is your basic self-care? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating right? Taking care of your health? If you are neglecting any one of these, chances are that you are seeing the consequences in some part of your life.

But let me suggest that self-care doesn’t end there. There is another level:  Are you learning? Growing, spiritually, mentally, emotionally? Are you having fun, experiencing joy, and giving yourself opportunities to become the best you can be? Paying attention to your loved ones?

 Jim Rohn said “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me.’” -

For many, the idea of being good to yourself or taking care of yourself flies in the face of everything we have been taught about being selfish. “Don’t think about yourself, think about others. Help others. Care for others. Don’t be selfish by focusing or thinking  too much about yourself.

We are all selfish on a most basic level. Everything we do we do, we do because we get something out of it. This is one of our drives as human beings. I’m not advocating living your life totally for your own pleasure and amusement, I’m suggesting that living your life for everyone else may leave you wasted, burned out and resentful and no good to anyone, least of all you! After all, you’re no good to your child on an airplane if you are passed out because you put their oxygen mask on first. You’ve got to take care of yourself first.

I think that much of life is about balance. And the hard cold truth is, it’s not easy to do. In fact, for some of us, it may be easier to live for everybody else because it gives us an excuse to shirk responsibility for our selves and our needs, especially if that was your model growing up. If that is the case, it can be really hard to do something else.

More next week, and please view my Happy Halloween post.

Special Offer For The Mom’s Out There

Mother, Mom,  Mommy, Mama, Ma, Mum. I call my mom Mom but my siblings call her Mumsy, I have no idea where that came from. My kids know her as Grandma Mumsy. I am blessed to have her in my life.

In my work I speak with many that have issues with their mothers. They don’t speak, or when they do it can be volatile and trigger resentments sometimes going way back. When I did the Landmark Forum, it was suggested that if you have parents, you will have issues with them and moving forward in life has a lot to do with resolving those issues.

So when I hear about people that don’t get along with their mothers, I feel all the more fortunate. My mom was the best. Thanks mom. And that’s all I have to say about that.

In honor of my mother, for the month of May, I am going to give every mother that comes in$25 off each hypnotherapy session, and $50 off my Smoking Cessation Program. If you know a mom that is stressed out,  overwhelmed, trying to quit smoking or lose weight, dealing with transitions such as childbirth or divorce, or having trouble dealing with whatever is going on in her life, please pass this along to her. And don’t forget to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.