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Ted (TMan)

Even though he was  hungry, beaten and humiliated, Frankl realized that he had one freedom that could not be taken away from him: The freedom to choose his thoughts and to create his own experience and what was meaningful about that experience. The meaning he chose to create during his captivity was that he needed to remain alive to tell the world about what had happened.

Frankl made it out of the camps alive and went on to become a successful author. His book went on to sell millions of copies and is considered  a classic. His message gave people hope: even though the body may be enslaved, the mind is free to find potential meaning under even the most miserable circumstances.

As we approach the celebration of our country’s independence day, we acknowledge that we live in a country with freedoms that are sought and valued all around the world. Even so,  the struggle for freedom is ongoing within all of us.

I think it’s important to ask ourselves “How free am I, really?”  To be truly free implies that you can exercise a choice.

However, if I have no choice but to inhale poisonous fumes into my body, then  I’m not really free, I’m a slave to my habit and my addiction.  If I feel that I  can’t control the type or quantity of food I eat, then I am imprisoned by my desires. Am a truly free if I allow my day to be ruined by traffic, a problem with my computer, or not enough foam in my latte, or am I no better than a leaf at the mercy of the wind?

Furthermore, if my goals, dreams and desires are shackled by my own doubt, negativity, and limiting beliefs, than I am in a prison much more effective than any that can be made of brick and steel.

True freedom doesn’t depend on laws or treaties, bars or chains. True freedom is of the mind.  True freedom is having the ability  to choose, powerfully, in any minute, in the face of any situation that may present itself. It is to be able to respond, this is, to be responsible, rather than to react. There is no freedom in reaction.

As a hypnotherapist, I help people free themselves from their own minds. However, it’s not easy to free yourself from your own mind, even with help. Once a belief is in place, people will spend the rest of their lives defending it and trying to prove that it’s right. It might not even matter that the belief might cost them their happiness, their health and even their families. Their beliefs chain them to the life they are living. But beliefs are rarely “true”, they are most often simply just opinions.

Do you really want to be free? Then ask yourself the following questions:

• What do my beliefs do for me? Do they support me in living the life that I want or do they hold me back?
• Where did my beliefs come from? Are they based on my own experience or were they handed down to me?
• If they are based on my own experience, is it the experience of a child? A teenager? A mature adult?
• Are there beliefs that I continue to wear even though I have out grown them, even though they restrict me?
• Do I even know what my beliefs are? Can I articulate them?
• What are the meanings that I attach to the circumstances of my life? Do these meanings empower me or do they imprison me?
• What are the thoughts that I have that hold  me hostage to fear, doubt and anxiety? Am I ready to free myself from them?

You alone are responsible for freeing yourself from whatever is going on in your mind that keeps you from joy, happiness and peace. However, I can help you. If you are truly ready to celebrate your own personal Independence Day, give me a call.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

My dad is a colorful character. At 73, he still works 14 hour days, six days a week. He raised 8 kids (7 boys and a girl), and now has 14 grandkids. He’s been married to my mother for 50 years. 

He bought his first business before he was 25, which he recently sold, and has owned his second business for 35 years. He started his working career as a carpenter. (His middle name is Jesus, I’m not  kidding.) He rebuilt a 1968 Ford Shelby Mustang in his garage and had a stint as a professional singer (in both English and Spanish). He survived  a quintuple bypass heart operation.  I’ve heard him listen to music from  Billy Idol to Rimsky-Korsakov. He has a garden of which he is very proud of as well as a fish pond that he spends an inordinate amount of time trying to keep clean.

Clearly, he’s learned a few things, some of which he’s taught me and some of which I picked up  by watching him. In honor of Father’s Day, here’s a few things I learned from my father, who we affectionately refer to as “Pops”:

Work

• Don’t make the job more important than the reason for doing it.
• If you need to get the job done, sometimes you need to stay up all night to do it.
• If you enjoy doing the job, you won’t mind staying up all night.
• Don’t do a half-assed job, do it right so you can take pride in it.
• You need to have a good balance of working with both your hands and your head.
• Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty.
• Favorite saying: “Get it done or I will cloud up and rain all over you.”

Lifestyle

• Keep a clean house, don’t be a slob.
• Put if back where you got it from. (There’s a place for  everything and everything in its place.)
• Take good care of your stuff and it will last you a long time.
• Don’t walk around barefoot if you have toenails that look like claws. Cut the damn things.
• People will show you more respect  if you dress well.
• Life’s to short to wear uncomfortable clothing.
• You don’t need a bunch of fancy products to wash your car, all you need is a hose and a towel. Also, it helps to have kids to do it for you.
• Listen to music every day. Don’t listen to it too loud or you’ll lose your hearing. Once in a while is ok, though.
• Learn how to tell a joke and know a lot of good ones. A sense of humor is essential.
• So is an occasional stiff drink.
• Favorite saying: “Be careful.”

Children

• Trust that your child will come into the world with a loaf of bread under it’s arm.
• Teach them manners and to be respectful. It’s a reflection on you.
• You gotta keep your kids busy.
• Kids don’t need to get everything they want.
• Having kids is what you have to go through to get grandkids.
• Sometimes you have to  forgive or apologize  even if you don’t want to. Don’t let pride get in the way.
• Family is very important.
• Favorite saying: “I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know.”

Dealing with People

• Most of the time you can get people to do what you want by being  pleasant, saying please, and winning them over with a smile.
• Sometimes, though, you have to yell really loud to get people moving.
• Many people are looking for someone to teach and guide them.
• When you meet a person, look them in the eye and shake their hand. Show good manners.
• Favorite saying:  ”Do you see milk dribbling out of the side of my mouth?”

Life’s Challenges

• Don’t let yourself get defeated by a problem. Ask yourself  ”How can I solve this problem?” There is always a solution. Get really good at solving problems.
• Use your imagination to deal with problems. Look around and ask yourself, “What resources are available to me that I can use to solve this quickly?” It might be some tape, a stick, some wire or it might be someone you can call.
• Sometimes, when your back is up against the wall, you must get mean.
• Prayer. Have faith that God will see you through.
• Favorite saying:  ”You don’t want people to say about you “He couldn’t fight his way out of wet paper bag.”

Good Advice

• Don’t take any wooden nickels.
• There are a lot of people walking around with their thumb up their butt and their finger in their ear. Don’t be one of those people.
• Pay attention!!
• Favorite saying: “The angle of the dangle is equal to the heat of the …” on second thought, let’s skip this one.
• Don’t let ‘em get to you.

Thanks Dad. And Happy Fathers Day to all Dads out there.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Tman

If you’re in a business that involves dealing with people (as are most businesses), then the more people you are able to connect with, the more successful you are going to be. In your personal life, I would suggest that you’ll have happier relationships if you can learn to quickly build mutual trust, understanding and harmony with others.

The word for this is rapport. You have rapport with someone when you feel that you are both “in sync” or “on the same wavelength”. We’ve all had the experience of meeting someone where we felt it didn’t click. We might have felt uncomfortable or even annoyed with this person; we didn’t feel like they “got” us. There was no rapport.

On the other hand, we’ve also had the experience of meeting someone who we immediately liked and felt comfortable with. We had a sense that they were like us, and that we shared a similar view of the world. We can say we had rapport with that person.

Most of my business experience has been in sales. My first sales jobs were door to door, selling books, first in San Jose, then in Virginia. When I started working in Virgina, it didn’t take me long to figure out that these were a whole different breed of folks from the ones in San Jose. The people in San Jose talked faster, and wanted to know right away why I was banging on their door. In southern Virginia, they talked a lot s-l-o-w-e-r and wanted to chat with me a bit longer before  ”gittin’ down to bidness”. I had to adjust my approach accordingly.

Think about how we instinctively try to create rapport in social situations. We begin by asking questions: What do you do, where are you from, etc. We look for common grounds (“what about those Lakers?”) and when we find them we capitalize on that information. (“Did you see that game? How about when…) Much of the rapport building we do is unconscious. We don’t know we are doing it, but we feel good when we have a sense that the other person likes us or that we trust them.

 However, there are techniques that you can use to consciously build rapport with others. Some of these are common sense, others are more in-depth,  falling under the subject of NLP. There are people who feel that using techniques to get people to like you and trust you is manipulative. Surely, there are those that use these techniques only to get what they want. However, let me suggest that  dealing with people in a way that makes them feel comfortable and that creates trust and harmony is simply a good philosophy.

Here’s a few tips for creating rapport easily in any business or personal situation.

• Listen. God gave you two ears and one mouth…Listening is truly a gift that is in short supply these days. You’ll go a long way just by learning to listen to people. Everybody wants to be listened to.
• Remember and use a person’s name. Dale Carnegie said “Remember that a person’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” The best way to remember a person’s name is to say it immediately after you hear it and then to continue to use it in conversation.
• Smile. A smile is a big sign that says “I am warm,  friendly and happy.” People will remember you if you have the habit of smiling.
• Look for common grounds. Seek to find common interests. Family, work, hobbies, education and place of origin are all subjects that people can have in common.
• Seek to be in agreement. It’s tough to establish rapport if you are disagreeing with someone. I’m not suggesting that you agree with something you feel strongly opposed to, but if you are interested in connecting with someone, unless they ask, keep your differing opinions to yourself.

These are all pretty basic things that most of us probably already know. Here are a few things that are more advanced that you’ll learn if you ever study NLP.

• Mirror body language. Very powerful, yet subtle. If you are with someone who uses a lot of hand gestures when they speak, you do the same thing. If they cross their legs, do that. Don’t make it so obvious that it’s apparent what you are doing, try to be discreet.
• Mirror their vocal tonality/speed. If I talk too fast to a southern Virginian, then I’m a “fast talkin’ city slicker”. If I talk too slow to someone from Manhattan, then I’m an “unsophisticated and boring”. Try to match the person’s vocal speed.  If they talk loud, you talk loud. If they are more soft-spoken, then you do the same.
• Use similar language patterns. If someone says to me, “That was really cool!” and I come back with “Indeed, I’m sure that was very nice”, that person is not going to want to talk to me for very long. See if you can notice phrases and  figures of speech that are being used and use them as well.
• Match their breathing. Most people aren’t even aware of this, but it’s one of the most powerful rapport building skills that you can have. Try it sometime and see what happens.  

There’s a few more advanced techniques that are too complex to go into here such as finding out a person’s representational system by observing their eye movements. As an Certified NLP Practitioner, I can help you hone the  skills you need to make friends, or  to influence and connect with people for business success. Mention this blog post and I’ll give you a free 45 minute coaching session the next time you come in for a hypnotherapy session.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

I always believed that you should treat people the way you would want to be treated. Many years ago something happened which made me reconsider the golden rule.

I was the general manager of a large sales organization. One evening shortly after everyone was back from their appointments, the boss called me in to his office.

“Ted, call an emergency sales meeting. Sales were terrible tonight. Get everyone in the training room and  go in there and grind them.” A grind was where the  boss yells at everyone telling them what a loser they are and that they had better start selling or they would be out of a job.  Surprisingly, this was not uncommon for many sales organizations of the “old school”. (Ever seen Glengarry Glen Ross? Check out Alec Baldwin’s performance on You Tube. Warning: not for the squeamish!)

I had never done a grind session. Being somewhat of a laid back, mellow sort of fellow, I really don’t like yelling at people, prefering to calmly resolve issues over a cup of green tea. Nevertheless, I had been given an order, so when all the salespeople were assembled, I went in there and did my best  to act upset, raising my voice, letting them know that the boss was furious and was getting ready to fire a whole lot of people, and you call yourselves salespeople?, and if you don’t get it together you’ll be searching the want ads,etc, etc.

Anyway, this one young women in the front row, Stacey, started talking back in the middle of my grind session. If there was anyone that was not going to cooperate and listen obediently while I ripped them a new one, it was going to be Stacey, who had a very strong personality and was know to be…well.. uncooperative. “The leads are junk! she snorted. “We should be doing this… and whaddya mean we should be doing that? You should be doing this, that and the other! And I think we should….”

For crying out loud! I was having a tough enough time doing this grind thing when someone had the impudence to make it even more difficult! I admit, I lost my temper for real and shouted at the top of my voice “Who do you think you are??!! If you don’t like it, get outta here! Don’t forget, YOU WORK FOR ME!! For effect I knocked over a chair.

You could’ve heard a pin drop. I noticed some guys in the back giving me the thumbs up signal. Stacy was quiet for once. I talked a little more then everyone went home. I felt bad, even ashamed. This was not me.

The next day, one of the thumbs up guys came up to me and said “About time someone put her in her place! She thinks she knows everything!” That didn’t make me feel any better. I really didn’t expect Stacey to come to work, but she did and headed right for my office. “Can I talk to you?” she asked. “Um, sure, come in”, I said, feeling a knot of anxiety in my stomach. At that time in my life, I did everything to avoid confrontation.

“I’m sorry I mouthed off to you. I really needed to be talked to like that. I know I’m not trying hard enough. I like this job. Thanks  for setting me straight.” 

I was almost speechless. “Um..no problem’ I stammered.

I thought about that exchange long  and hard. I had always felt Stacy didn’t respect me. Now she was thanking me for  “putting her in her place”.   And then it occured to me: that’s how Stacey wanted to be treated. She couldn’t respect anyone that was was diplomatic, tactful or easygoing; she saw that as wimpy. She liked and respected people just like herself: blunt, and strong. I had always believed that you should treat people the way you want to be treated.  I think a better philosophy is “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” This was a revelation to me.

I’m not suggesting that you should yell at people; just consider that how you like to be treated is not how others like to be treated. Figuring out what different people respond to allows you to connect with them on a level they’re comfortable with.

Later in life I learned a more elegent word for this:  ”rapport”. Dealing with people in a way that makes them feel that you are like them and that you get them. Having good rapport skills is the key to easily connecting with people.

Next week, I’ll talk about some really good tips to establish rapport and help you connect with other people easily.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Tman

My wife and I attended T. Harv Eker’s  Millionaire Mind Intensive a couple of weekends ago. If you’re interested in making more money and it doesn’t seem to be happening for you, I would highly recommend you check this out. It was an incredible experience and well worth the time. And it costs very little to attend. Check out the video above to see T. Harv in action.

T. Harv Eker is the author of the #1 bestseller “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind”. Eker’s proposition is: “Give me five minutes, and I can predict your financial future for the rest of your life!” The idea being that we all have a  personal money blueprint engrained in our subconscious minds, and it is this blueprint, more than anything, that will determine our financial lives. This is similar to the idea presented in The Mental Bank, which I have written about in a previous post.

The question is: is your money blueprint, or conditioning, set for wealth, moderate success or poverty? Eker suggests that you can find out by looking at your results in the real world: your income, assets and net worth. After all, you can’t build a mansion from a bungalow blueprint.

I’ll just put it out there,I want to make a lot more money than I currently do now. However, like many people, I was conditioned to believe certain things such as “Money is the root of all evil” or “You are dishonest if you are making a lot of money” or “It’s more spiritual to be poor”. I don’t think any of these are true, but they are very powerful beliefs that can hold you back not only from financial success but from really reaching your full potential.  I found the Millionaire Mind Intensive to be very powerful in helping both my wife and me to understand and let go of beliefs that are non-supportive for success. At the same time, we are more on the same page now when it comes to money (what is the biggest thing couples argue about?).

Here’s a link to Eker’s Millionaire Mind TeleSeminar, if you are interested in hearing more about the root causes of money problems, why some people are programmed to fail, and finding out how you can reach your full financial potential.

I took a lot of notes during the three days I was attending the Millionaire Mind Intensive, and I like to share some of the most powerful ideas I took away from this very enlightening experience:

• A Secret of Success: Grow yourself bigger than your problems. “I must grow if my money is to grow”.
• Growing means being uncomfortable. Seek out and find uncomfortable situations and get involved in them.
• Your Comfort Zone = Your Wealth Zone.
• How you do anything is how you do everything. (I really like this one.)
• Dangerous Words: “I know that”
• “It’s not what we don’t know that prevents us from succeeding. It’s what we know that ain’t so that is the obstacle.” Josh Billings.
• The first key to change is awareness.
• Definition of Financial Freedom: The ability to live the lifestyle you desire without having to work or rely ony one else for money.
• Until you show you can handle what you already have, you will not be given more.
• It’s not enough to be in the right place at the right time, you must be the right person in the right place at the right time.
• A Secret of Success: Raise your energy and people will be attracted to you.
• It’s what’s invisible that creates the visible. It’s what’s unseen that creates the seen.
• A lack of money is not the problem. It’s the symptom of a problem.
• My inner world creates my outer world.
• Thoughts=feelings=actions that lead to results.
• We believe that the way we see it, is the way it is.
• Most beliefs are conclusions about life mostly based on the mind of a child. Beliefs that do not support what you want chain you to the life you are currently living. Once a belief is in place, you will spend your life defending it.
• Every master was once a disaster. Business success is skill that can be learned.

Here’s something kind of cool: the Millionaire Mind Intensive aims to turn you into a “money magnet.” The night we got home from the seminar, there were two checks we were not expecting (and had no idea were coming) in the mailbox totalling over $1000. Two more came in the next day. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide~

If you desire to “raise your money consciousness” or “change your money blueprint”, you can start those changes right away with the help of hypnosis.  If you call between now and June 4th, you can get  20% off of your first hypnotherapy session or, if you’re a previous client,  book a session and get the next one for 50% off.

To paraphrase “Harv”: You can have a millionaire mind!

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

Pasadena City College will be offering my Self Hypnosis for Success class again for three Saturdays starting June 5, 2010, and continuing on June 12th and 19th from 9 to 10:30 a.m. I’m not sure if I will hold this class again at PCC. So if you’re interested, act now!  Go to this link Hypnosis For Success for class registration and information.

Here are some comments from the course evaluations I received from the last class held in January 2010:

• Ted is very knowledgable and enthusiastic about his field. It really helped me a lot.”
• “It actually works!”
• “Professional, organized and informative. The instructor was engaging and knew his subject well. I’m glad I took the course!”
• “Clear and easy guidelines to follow. Instructor is knowledgable and well experienced.”
• “Ted is dynamic and makes an effort to engage the students. The content was well delivered.”

This is an excellent opportunity to learn how to do Self Hypnosis for goal achievement, business success, motivation, letting go of limiting beliefs and much more. We’ll discuss what hypnosis is, how it works, and how you can do self hypnosis in only a few minutes a day. You’ll receive a course syllabus as well as my Guide to Self Hypnosis and a Self Hypnosis conditioning CD, which also includes my studio produced “Peaceful Place” relaxation track.

Remember, you’re being hypnotized daily, through advertising, the media, and people you spend time with. In addition, you’ve been hypnotized throughout your life to believe things about yourself and the world that may or may not work for you anymore. The good news is, you can take control of your own positive programming. If you have habits of thinking and behaving that are holding you back from the success and happiness that you want, then you can learn to use the power of your own mind to change.

If you’re not interested in learning self-hypnosis but believe that hypnosis can be of help to you, give me a call and I’ll give you a free half hour consultation to discuss how you can benefit from working with me as your hypnotherapist or personal/small business coach. Call (626) 826-0612 or email hypnosis@tedmoreno.com.

On another subject, if you subscribe to my email newsletter, my apologies that you didn’t get the latest post. Due to some internet glitches, WordPress didn’t get my published blog post until it was too late to be sent out via email. Make sure you read it for my take on living a balanced life as well as a photo of my two cuties, The Chick and Rock. Go to Ted’s Tips for Transformation to read it.

Rock and The Chick in the outdoor dining area of Chez SD (my backyard)

A few weeks back I was hanging out with my two daughters, The Chick and Rock. It was a beautiful day in the San Gabriel valley, and on such days I like to take them to the park. That day, however, there were a lot of things on my to- do list. 

My plan was to fix them lunch and plant them in front of the tv so I could get some work done. But the beautiful day called to me, so we went outside and had a picnic in the backyard. They loved it. So did I, even if I didn’t accomplish everything on my list. Those girls are always on my list. 

Over the years, I’ve tried to divide my life into priorities and give equal attention to them all: my health, my work, my relationships, my spirituality, my social life and my alone time. 

I’ve never been able to do it. There is always one area that needs more attention than another, and when that gets handled, then another area needs attention. If business is booming, then I haven’t been taking my daily walk. If I’m feeling serene and peaceful because I’m taking alone time, then I probably haven’t been spending enough time with my family. 

Eventually, I realized that nothing is ever always in balance. It’s a pendulum, it seems, swinging from one extreme to the other. And that’s ok, because that’s how life is: in balance for a minute, then out. 

It’s either moving toward summer or winter; when is it balanced? Only twice a year, on the summer and winter solstices. It’s either day or night; when is it balanced? For a short time, twice a day, at dawn and dusk. 

And why would you want to be balanced? If there is balance then there is no motion, no growth, no progress. Balance is stasis, nothing is happening.

Life is a see-saw. One day your up, the next, you’re down.  

Right now I’m in Apple Valley visiting my brother-in-law. There’s a ton of stuff I need to do, including write this. If it was up to me, I’d be working all the time, but as a married guy, it’s not totally up to me is it? So we’re taking a weekend vacation. Keeps the wife happy, gives the kids a break from the routine, and gives me  a chance to record some tunes in my brother-in-law’s recording studio. So the pendulum swings to the other side, but I can be cool with that. 

If you are one of those with lots of leisure time to devote to  every part of your life, then lucky you!  I remember those days.  But if you’re like me, trying to balance a career and  a family with staying  healthy and having  some time for reflection, creativity and spirituality, then  maybe balance isn’t the answer. 

Maybe the answer is to strive for being well-rounded and having a level of satisfaction that  you can live with and be happy with in any particular area. Some areas are going to be more important or impactful than others. Those deserve more time and energy. 

Here’s some ideas that might be helpful: 

• Most of us have numerous roles, interests, and responsibilities which fit into distinct areas of  life.  Decide what these areas of importance are for you. These would be areas you feel you need to put time and energy into to have a successful and well-rounded life. An example would be Paul J.Meyer’s “Wheel of Life” consisting of Financial and Career, Family and Home, Spiritual and Ethical, Social and Cultural, Physical and Health, and Mental and Educational.
• Rate these areas according to your current level of satisfaction and achievement in each. You might use a scale of 1-100 or 1-10.
• What does this tell you? If you have always considered your health to be important but you rate it on the low side, then perhaps at this time health needs more of your attention then you are giving it. Maybe your financial house is well in order, you’ve got some cash in the bank and your score is high in this area. Consider that perhaps it’s time to put some attention into another area that has a low score.
• Create some goals based on those areas of importance that have lower levels of satisfaction and achievement. For example, if you feel that being a lifetime learner is important to you, and you have rated your Mental/Educational area on the low side, then you might think about taking class, reading a book, or taking an online course.
• Revisit your areas of importance  in six months. Has anything changed? Should you continue your present course of focus or is there another area that has become more important or meaningful to you in light of recent events in the past six months? Revisit twice a year.

For your car to get you where you want it to go, you need four good tires, good brakes, gas in your tank and a regular schedule of maintenance. You can ignore any of these for a while, but ignore any one of them for too long and you might soon be in trouble. Instead of striving for balance, just make sure you know what part of your life needs attention and you’ll avoid being stranded by the side of the road.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

p.s. If you need some help in the life balance area, and we haven’t worked together before, I’ll give you a free hour coaching session if you are one of the first five people to  call me before May 20. 

 Ted A. Moreno