I always believed that you should treat people the way you would want to be treated. Many years ago something happened which made me reconsider the golden rule.
I was the general manager of a large sales organization. One evening shortly after everyone was back from their appointments, the boss called me in to his office.
“Ted, call an emergency sales meeting. Sales were terrible tonight. Get everyone in the training room and go in there and grind them.” A grind was where the boss yells at everyone telling them what a loser they are and that they had better start selling or they would be out of a job. Surprisingly, this was not uncommon for many sales organizations of the “old school”. (Ever seen Glengarry Glen Ross? Check out Alec Baldwin’s performance on You Tube. Warning: not for the squeamish!)
I had never done a grind session. Being somewhat of a laid back, mellow sort of fellow, I really don’t like yelling at people, prefering to calmly resolve issues over a cup of green tea. Nevertheless, I had been given an order, so when all the salespeople were assembled, I went in there and did my best to act upset, raising my voice, letting them know that the boss was furious and was getting ready to fire a whole lot of people, and you call yourselves salespeople?, and if you don’t get it together you’ll be searching the want ads,etc, etc.
Anyway, this one young women in the front row, Stacey, started talking back in the middle of my grind session. If there was anyone that was not going to cooperate and listen obediently while I ripped them a new one, it was going to be Stacey, who had a very strong personality and was know to be…well.. uncooperative. “The leads are junk! she snorted. “We should be doing this… and whaddya mean we should be doing that? You should be doing this, that and the other! And I think we should….”
For crying out loud! I was having a tough enough time doing this grind thing when someone had the impudence to make it even more difficult! I admit, I lost my temper for real and shouted at the top of my voice “Who do you think you are??!! If you don’t like it, get outta here! Don’t forget, YOU WORK FOR ME!! For effect I knocked over a chair.
You could’ve heard a pin drop. I noticed some guys in the back giving me the thumbs up signal. Stacy was quiet for once. I talked a little more then everyone went home. I felt bad, even ashamed. This was not me.
The next day, one of the thumbs up guys came up to me and said “About time someone put her in her place! She thinks she knows everything!” That didn’t make me feel any better. I really didn’t expect Stacey to come to work, but she did and headed right for my office. “Can I talk to you?” she asked. “Um, sure, come in”, I said, feeling a knot of anxiety in my stomach. At that time in my life, I did everything to avoid confrontation.
“I’m sorry I mouthed off to you. I really needed to be talked to like that. I know I’m not trying hard enough. I like this job. Thanks for setting me straight.”
I was almost speechless. “Um..no problem’ I stammered.
I thought about that exchange long and hard. I had always felt Stacy didn’t respect me. Now she was thanking me for “putting her in her place”. And then it occured to me: that’s how Stacey wanted to be treated. She couldn’t respect anyone that was was diplomatic, tactful or easygoing; she saw that as wimpy. She liked and respected people just like herself: blunt, and strong. I had always believed that you should treat people the way you want to be treated. I think a better philosophy is “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” This was a revelation to me.
I’m not suggesting that you should yell at people; just consider that how you like to be treated is not how others like to be treated. Figuring out what different people respond to allows you to connect with them on a level they’re comfortable with.
Later in life I learned a more elegent word for this: ”rapport”. Dealing with people in a way that makes them feel that you are like them and that you get them. Having good rapport skills is the key to easily connecting with people.
Next week, I’ll talk about some really good tips to establish rapport and help you connect with other people easily.
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Tman
Ted A. Moreno Personal/Small Business Coach Certified Hypnotherapist Specializing in Your Success www.TedMoreno.com (626) 826-0612
Great post. Very insightful.
Thanks!
What a great post.
Thanks Ted, this is an area I need to work on, we all need to work on. Look forward to next week’s suggestions!
Still not sure about that. I fully understand about people and their personalities , you know because of my work and all the people I encounter on a daily basis. I will check someone if need be. But I prefer to be around people who have a higher vibration and getting better about not wasting my time on others that need to be checked or scoulded or anything like that. I do enjoy all your newsletters and I get so much pleassure seeing u evolve to the magnificent being you are.
Ted, I love this insight of yours. I makes complete sense to me! I have found this to be true in my business as well. I like the term chameleon. I like to sell to people on their level.
Kristin Roche
[...] I Learned the Secret to Easily Connecting With People (Part 2) In last week’s post I tell the story of how I discovered that not everybody likes to be treated the way I like to be [...]