How Selfish are You? (Part 1 of 2)

You would not believe the bad luck I’ve had lately. Can hardly believe it myself.

One night last week I was watching television. It got later and later but I just kept watching it, even though I knew I should go to bed. I watched TV until 5:30 am, then I slept for an hour and a half. When my daughter Matrix Chick tried to wake me I snarled at her and she started crying.  Boy was I tired and grumpy!

Since I woke up late I didn’t get to eat breakfast before work. By the time I was done with my first client I was starving! There was some Halloween candy in the lobby of my building so I ate a bunch of candy corn, Tootsie Rolls and mini Three Musketeers.  If I thought I felt bad  before, I had another thing coming – I developed a horrible stomach ache!  Can you believe that!?

During my session with my next client, she actually got up and said, “I’m leaving because you keep falling asleep while I’m talking to you.  And why don’t you wipe that chocolate off of your chin?” What nerve! Can you believe the bad luck?

It seemed as if I was doomed to have a wretched day so I cancelled the rest of my appointments and went home determined to force myself to work like a dog on computer stuff that’s been piling up. I worked all afternoon. My wife came home with the kids but I kept on working. She said that dinner was ready but I kept on working. She said that dinner’s done would I help clean the kitchen but I kept on working. She asked if I would help put the kids to bed but I just had too much to do! Then she got really angry with me and we had a big fight. Can you believe the rotten luck I had that day?

If you know me then by now you may have guessed  that none of that really happened (I don’t like candy corn.)  But if it was true you might be saying “You didn’t have bad luck, you were just being irresponsible!” And that would be true.

In the imaginary scenario I just described, it can be summed up like this: I was not being responsible for my own self care. Taken to that extreme, I would say that I was being negligent; neglecting my own basic needs, therefore, I ended up neglecting  the needs of those I love.

I’ve come to the conclusion that self-care is vitally important and necessary to leading a happy and fulfilling life.

How is your basic self-care? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating right? Taking care of your health? If you are neglecting any one of these, chances are that you are seeing the consequences in some part of your life.

But let me suggest that self-care doesn’t end there. There is another level:  Are you learning? Growing, spiritually, mentally, emotionally? Are you having fun, experiencing joy, and giving yourself opportunities to become the best you can be? Paying attention to your loved ones?

 Jim Rohn said “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me.’” -

For many, the idea of being good to yourself or taking care of yourself flies in the face of everything we have been taught about being selfish. “Don’t think about yourself, think about others. Help others. Care for others. Don’t be selfish by focusing or thinking  too much about yourself.

We are all selfish on a most basic level. Everything we do we do, we do because we get something out of it. This is one of our drives as human beings. I’m not advocating living your life totally for your own pleasure and amusement, I’m suggesting that living your life for everyone else may leave you wasted, burned out and resentful and no good to anyone, least of all you! After all, you’re no good to your child on an airplane if you are passed out because you put their oxygen mask on first. You’ve got to take care of yourself first.

I think that much of life is about balance. And the hard cold truth is, it’s not easy to do. In fact, for some of us, it may be easier to live for everybody else because it gives us an excuse to shirk responsibility for our selves and our needs, especially if that was your model growing up. If that is the case, it can be really hard to do something else.

More next week, and please view my Happy Halloween post.

Happy Halloween Special Offer!

The ghosts,  ghouls and goblins are out, but what’s really scary is that so many businesses do so little to thank and reward their customers, especially since customers are hard to come by these days!

Since we are on our way to Thanksgiving, I would like to show my appreciation to all my previous clients reading this by making the following offer: Starting this Tuesday, October 27th, I will offer hypnotherapy sessions to all previous and current clients at the reduced fee of $85 until November 27th. Same for new clients except the first session is $100, which is $25 off my regular first session fee. In addition, if you refer someone that comes in for a session, I will give you 50% my regular fee for  a hypnotherapy session.

Here’s the catch. If you come on for a session, you need to ask for the discount, because that tells me you read my newsletter. It’s a special thank you to all you wonderful people that have kept me in business for 6 years this month.

Here’s another treat for you: check out this little video of my and my family doing the Monster Mash!~

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/fTfRpDlaUy02ntBB

Insomnia: Are You Just Looking For A Little Deep Sleep?

I’m a pretty lucky guy, or so I’ve been told. I fall asleep quickly and easily and stay asleep unless Matrix Chick or Fingers (my 4 and 2 year old daughters) come crawling into bed us. It’s been suggested to me that I have a clear conscience. (True!) However, in my hypnotherapy practice, many of my hypnotherapy clients tell me that they have problems sleeping even if they are not coming to me for that issue.

Included in the definition of insomnia are sleep problems involving difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep or having poor quality sleep. According to the Mayo Clinic, more than one-third of adults have insomnia at some time, while 10 to 15 percent report long-term (chronic) insomnia.

There are many possible reaons for insomnia. Some may be due to other heath related issues, such:

• prescription medication
• pain
• depression
• anxiety
• acid reflux (GERD)
• pregnancy
• menopause

Other causes of insomnia can be

• Stress
• eating too late before bed
• drinking or smoking
• a change in work hours
• jet lag

Also, keep in mind that aging can cause sleep that is less deep, causing you to wake more often.

If you suffer from insomnia, then you know the toll it can exact. Irritability, anxiety, weight gain, poor immune function, poor work performance, even falling asleep while driving are some of the side effects of inadequate sleep.

So what can you do to improve your sleep? First off,  many people that come to me for hypnotherapy for issues not related to insomnia report getting a very good nights sleep the night of their first session. Better sleep is a by product of being hypnotized. This means of course that hypnosis and hypnotherpy can be very effective for dealing with insomnia.

Here are some other things you might try that can get you back into the habit of deep and restful sleep.

In my experience, the most common reason that people give me for not being able to fall asleep is the inability to turn off their brain.  Anyway that you can create mental relaxation can be helpful. This can be as simple as taking deep breaths before sleep or a regular practice of meditation or yoga. Working out before bed can actually stimulate you and keep you awake, so keep it slow and gentle. Regular exercise can help you sleep better, just try to be done 3-4 hours before bedtime. Writing down your thoughts in a journal can be helpful too. This can help to identify  challenges in your life or things bothering you in the background of your mind that you may not even be aware of. 

Be aware of dietary habits that can interfere with sleep. If I drink red wine before bed, I’ll won’t sleep as deeply. If I have coffee later than about 3:30 or 4, I’ll notice it in my quality of sleep. Sometimes a sleep diary can be helpful in identifying how your daytime diet on any particular day  can  create sleep disturbances. Eating to close to bedtime can challenge sleep. Again, 3 hours before is better. On the other hand, some folks have blood sugar imbalances that wake them up in the middle of the night. Some people sleep better by having a little protein before bed. By little,  I mean some cheese, milk, yogurt, etc, not a huge steak.

Try to have a regular schedule for sleeping.  Sleep is not only a physiological need that should be taking care of itself, but your relationship to sleep can either a good habit or bad habit. Oftentimes simply sticking to a regular sleeping schedule can result in better sleep relatively quickly. It helps to be aware of how much sleep you need. Most adults need about 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night.

Be aware of associations that you are creating in your bedroom. Do you have a television in your bedroom to watch the news at night while lying in bed? Umm…try not to do that. Do you discuss heavy issues/marital challenges or financial problems with your partner while lying in bed? Go do that in another room. Paying bills in  bed, or similar types of activites? Ditto. If you find you can’t sleep in 15-20 minutes, get out of bed until you feel a little drowsy again.

Create a relaxing environment in which to sleep. Make sure it feels  comfortable to be in your bedroom, including mattress and pillow. Temperature, humidity, and noise level can all affect how you sleep. Insure that these work for you instead of against you. Use eye pillows, ear plugs, humidifiers or white noise generators to help.

Sleep is one of the basic requirements for life, yes? Doing what you can to make sure it is of good quality can add quality to your life. If you need help sleeping, give me a call and I’ll give you 20% off my regular fee for one hypnotherapy session for better sleep.

Good night!

A Powerful Daily Practice

I was talking with my soon to be four year old daughter the other day. She said “Dad, if I blink my eyes, then it’ s nighttime.” Out of the mouths of babes…I said “Yes sweetheart, in the blink of an eye, it’s next week, then next month, then next year..”

James Tayor said in a song:

Now, people live from day to day
But they do not count the time you know
They don’t see their days slipping by
And neither do I

When I was a child, the days were long, and it seemed like forever until Halloween, or Christmas or my birthday. Now, one day runs into the next, one week becomes the next and on and on. I used to work with a guy, who, in the middle of summer, would say, “Christmas is almost here” He was only half kidding. What is the biggest difference between the long, slow days of childhood and the rapid fire pace of life now? I think it was that we counted the days as kids. We didn’t need to make each day count, it just did. And then one day, all of a sudden, there was “stuff that needed to get done.” And only so much time to do it in.

I start each hypnosis session with a client by having having them breathe. In and out. I have them notice each breath, and this creates relaxation. Counting the breath, like counting the days, slow things down.

The most powerful practice I have in my life is to take time to myself to be with my life. What does this have to do with hypnosis? Well, it is possible to become hypnotized by the routine. Like a hamster on a wheel, it’s just what many of us do. Get up, work, come home, go to sleep, get up, work, come home, go to sleep, a seemingly endless cycle of activity. Throw in a few vacations here and there.

To break out of that hypnosis we must step out of the stream of our life. For me, that looks like getting up a little earlier in the morning when it is quiet. For you, it may be going to bed a little bit later. Why? What for?

To read, maybe. Not the paper, or a novel, but something that inspires you or challenges you. Or to meditate, just sitting, counting the breath. Maybe to just sit and welcome another morning, or at night, to say goodbye to another day. Perhaps to examine your life, your goals, what is it that is meaningful to you. To just drink some tea, or a cup of coffee. To consider: Who are you really? A job? A role? An activity? No, you are something much more. Take time to get to know what that is, or to re-mind yourself. Pray.

You may say that you hate to get up early. OK. But you have to get up sooner or later, yes? Get up a little sooner. Or go to bed a little later. If I don’t do this, then I really don’t have a life, I have a schedule, mostly. But it’s not easy to do. It feels like slacking. But it’s not. It is one of the most important things you can ever do. Is to be. With. You.

Did you know that many people cannot be alone because they don’t like being with themselves? If that is the case, wouldn’t you want to know that? Could you handle that insight?

How can I explain or relate the power of being present to your life by just stopping the continuous activity? I can’t. What I can do is suggest: take time to be with yourself. Alone. When it is quiet, before the day takes off,  like a ball from a  cannon. Or in the evening, after the tv’s are off and computers shut down and kids are in bed. Socrates said “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Take time to look, listen, and feel. What comes up? You may be surprised.

 

 

 

 

 

How to Program Your Mind for Success in Less Than Five Minutes a Day

What if I told you that I could teach you a system that takes three minutes a night that would program your mind for more money, more success and more happiness? Would you take three minutes a night and do it?

You might be saying to yourself  ”Sure, I’ll take three minutes a night to make more money, have more success and happiness!”

Well, the reality is, you’re wrong,  you won’t.  And even though you say you want to be more successful, prosperous, happy, that fact is… you don’t. That’s our nature. Change can be the hardest thing in the world. Why?

Because of the most  powerful force in human behavior which is….. homeostasis. The innate drive to stay the same. Homeostasis is the enemy of change. To change you must acknowledge this fact. How can you fight something unless you know it exists?  We see homeostasis in our physical body; if we get to hot, we sweat to cool down. If we get too cold, we shiver to bring our temperature back to where we are comfortable.

Psychologically, we do that same thing. For most of us, if we are short of money, out of a job, car soon to be repossessed, we become very motivated. However, when things are going well, we have a tendency to relax, and consider this: if things are going too well, we may even sabotage our success. Why would  we do such a thing?

Because your subconscious mind knows only two things: knowns and unknowns. What is know is familiar and comfortable, for example, the amount you have in your bank account. What is unknown is fearful to the subconscious, for example, a lottery winner of mega millions who very quickly finds himself back to where he started, wondering “Where did it all go?”

What do we do about our innate drive to stay the same? We work to change incrementally a little every day by sending the subconsious mind different information to get a different result. See, the subconscious mind makes up 88% of your mind. This is automatic behavior. This is your so called life script. And every day you wake up you see it: the car you drive, the house you live in, your bank account etc. This is the information that you receive every day that reinforces your comfort level, that is, your “knowns.”

Our challenge is to introduce new information into our subconscious mind that creates new “knowns” that are in line with what we want in our lives. However, we must introduce this new information in a way that the subconscious mind can understand and take in deeply so that your “ceiling” of success begins to change. The most powerful and simplest way to do this that I have found is through the Mental Bank Program.

The Mental Bank program was invented by Dr. John Kappas, the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute (HMI), the nations first accredited college of hypnotherapy and the place I received my training as a hypnotherapist.

I’ll be presenting the Mental Bank  on Monday, October 5th (today) from 7  to 9pm at HMI in Tarzana. I’ll be teaching  how to start the process of incremental change towards success happiness and prosperity in three minutes a day. It’s a powerful and remarkable program.

The really good news is that you don’t have to go to Tarzana to learn the Mental Bank Program. You can go to www.MyMentalBank.com and watch George Kappas, director of HMI and son of Dr. John Kappas, present the Mental Bank Program via streaming video. If you are interested in moving yourself forward and beyond your current level of success, performance, wealth or happiness, then I highly recommend this two hour video.

Only a small percentage of people reading this will check out the video, which is why there are so few that are really enjoying the level of success that they would like. I challenge you to take the time to check it out. It’s interesting and informative and George Kappas does a great job making it fun to watch. Let me know what you think, OK?

Have a great week,

Ted